It was early in the morning. I was in the toilet, trying to hurry morning rituals awaiting my Manager’s call. While in tension, nature’s call or telephone call – seldom comes on time.

We had an appointment for an important meeting today, which, as per my manager, would “change the face of the company.”  We were to meet someone who was to re confirm the meeting in the morning and I was supposed to be ready early and wait for my manager’s call since we had to be there within the next one hour… I woke up early, but the tension was not allowing me to finish off the routine!

I was still in the toilet, looking at the heaven…no progress. “Do not concentrate on it. Change the focus; keep a book in toilet and start reading. You will find it easier that way” the doctor had told me. I took the book kept there specifically to shift the focus but “shit”… Oh No… realized that I did not have my reading glasses!

Outside, my mobile started ringing. I was in no position to get out and receive the call. “It is probably the manager” I told to myself. “Darling, take the call, I am in the toilet” I gave loud plea at my wife

My wife does not like to be disturbed like this in the morning. Early in the morning, sending the kids to the school is her top priority. According to her, those who have finished schooling should be able to do all their own work independently…but today was an exception. Probably she had overheard me talking to my manager and thought of helping me.

Suddenly, my sleek cell phone came sliding in from beneath the toilet door. I do not know how good she is in bowling game; it came all the way in, hit my toe and stopped there. I was about to pick it up, it stopped ringing! I foresaw the trouble. Manager would call me again and fire me for not taking the call. Anyway, if something is bound to happen, it will…

It started to ring again. Without my reading glasses, Caller ID feature was useless for me. I was ready… ready to be fired. Mustering all the courage to hear it all from the manager in early in the morning, I said ‘hello.’

“Good morning sir…” A sweet voice sailed through… “I am calling from XYZ bank. Can I have five minutes of your time sir?” She requested.

“Sorry… I am busy here” (Oops… I did not intend telling her that… but that was my standard reply for such calls and as a routine, it had come on its own.)

“I will take just two minutes sir” she pleaded again.

Credit card, auto loan or personal loan or some other product promotion- It’s going on everywhere and this is no different – I thought for myself. “Look madam… I have enough of credit cards. My company is about to give me a car and hence I have no idea of taking vehicle loan. My Father-in-law had promised a house site during marriage… though it has still not come through, I have no idea of going in for a housing loan. Now tell me why do you want to meet me? I gave a full burst of negatives so that she will not try talking to me again.

“But sir, I think I have answer for some of such problems…give me two minutes” she told at her mildest voice.

“I am sorry… I am expecting an important call… call me later on in the evening” I told her and disconnected.

Out of focus for a few seconds, the nature’s call was up and kicking straightaway! What a relief… I thanked the lady profusely for the favour…

***

Getting dressed up, I had a small doubt. Should it be formal or normal is alright? This meeting will “change the face of the company” was still ringing in my ears. I did not want to take chances. I put on the formal dress.

My cell phone rang again. It was my manager. “Sorry I did not call you earlier. Are you ready? We will be there to pick you up in two minutes, wait near the main gate of your building’

“Yes sir, I will be there” I told and almost ran to the main gate.

To my surprise, my manager was dressed in white dhoti and silk shirt with decorated kumkum on his forehead. “Sir, I did not know… otherwise, even I would have dressed like this” I begged his pardon.

“It’s OK. My dress suits the person we are meeting. When I introduce a well dressed person like you as my assistant, it shows my status” beamed my manager.

After about half an hour drive, we stopped in front of a big compound. May be a big rural industrialist – I thought, but he was not. We were in an ashram and we were told that Swami is waiting for us.

Hands folded in the Air India mascot style, we went and sat in front of him.

“So you are here to consult me on your promotion” told the Swami “and you want to know whether it is safe to accept the new position”

“So far I was in charge of our operations within the country. Now my area would be the whole of Asia. That is why…” smiled the manager.

“You will succeed” Commented the Swami “but you have to take some precautions before accepting the position. Ensure you assume the charge on a clean slate. All the misdeeds of the previous Director should be cleared up. Even remote chances of failure are written off straightaway. Otherwise, next year, it will be counted as your non-performance and your failure”

“But Swami, that way, my whole company portfolio could be wiped off. The company is already into trouble because of sub-prime losses” my manager was apprehensive.

“What is important for you? Your performance or that of your company? All the bigwigs are writing of losses accumulated over the years in the name of sub-prime losses this year. It is a chance. God sent chance. Ask for the clean slate. The management will agree, the lenders will agree, the investors will not grumble, and above all, the tax authorities will not question. This year would be considered an exceptional year and there is nothing wrong in taking the best out of it.  Write off all, if you could recover something in the next year, it adds to your future performance” Swami was quite authoritative.

“OK Swami”

“One more thing” swami told “By the by, who will replace you here?

“I have not recommended anybody, let me see”

“See to it that you put one of your trusted men here and make sure that your performance here is not unduly checked and reported. This will help you in the future”

“OK Swami” my manager bowed, put some folded currency near his feet and we came out.” “He was a management consultant earlier but the returns in this profession lured him here” commented my manager on our way out.

“Even before we met Swami, I had you in my mind as my replacement. Now that Swami guided me on this, I will recommend your name” my manager sitting in the car.

“But Swami never told my name” I expressed my surprise.

“He told to put somebody here who is my man. Who else can protect my interests here more than you?

“But we will also request to write off all those losses, as Swami told this is a chance to clear all those” I put it mildly.

“No… No… That will spoil my reputation, my HR files… Let it be there. Write them off slowly in the next few years”

“But that will spoil my HR files and will ruin my promotion chances” I retorted.

“You don’t understand. Now I am in a position just to recommend you. Don’t forget, I would be moving to a position where I would be approving your promotion”

Realising the danger of talking anything silly, I said “Yes sir. I know”

“Now you go to office, I will go home, change my dress and come to office. Keep this meeting secret. If anybody asks, tell them it was a business meeting.”

***

I could see my manager’s chair from my seat. A few days more and I will be sitting there, which I did not even dream in the morning!

The lady who called me in the morning must be really lucky for me…?

I was just wondering but enjoying the very thought of it.

My cell started ringing. It was the same lady … My lucky lady again!

I said “hello”

“Good evening sir, I am calling from XYZ Bank. You had told me to call in the evening”

“Yes… I remember you… I am free now… Tell me” I did not want my lucky lady to get angry and curse me!

“Sir, I would like to suggest an investment option which would secure the interests of your entire family. I told your wife about this and she showed great interest in it. She has told me that you will be at home by 8pm. I want to come and meet you both. Would 8:30pm be fine?

“Well, if my wife has shown interest and invited you, you can come by all means”

“She has convinced my wife as well! That is great” I thought.

I had never joined any investment scheme other than that teakwood plantation scheme, where the company had died even before the sapling. My wife had joined several schemes in the past and every time she wanted to invest in some, she would call the agent home and discuss for half an hour about the scheme in my presence. But still, I would forget every other detail except the agent’s appearance and the amount invested.

My lady luck was at home when I arrived. She was looking gorgeous in her blue salwar. My wife was discussing the investment scheme with all the seriousness. I was not interested in that half percent more here and the few promotion lotteries there.

Looking at them I declared instantly “today is a great day and I will invest in your scheme”

My wife was surprised. A week earlier I had sent back her cousin, who had an investment scheme – saying that I have no funds at the moment.

My wife called me inside and asked me “where the money has come from now?”

“I still have no money. But I think we can withdraw the deposit we made with the lady who had come with a red color low cut blouse?”

“That’s still not one year and there is heavy deduction on premature withdrawal before one year”

“How about that deposit which we put with that lady with jeans and sleeveless T shirt?”

“That is the only deposit we have which yields above 8% return when calculated over a period of five years”

“Come on, we will take it out and give this lady. Or that deposit held by the bank of that girl who always wears dangerously low jeans?”

Why? What is this lady offering? 6.5% with a chance to visit Manali. We will never win such offers. We know our luck very well.”

“But we will try” I pleaded

“Why? I do not understand. What is special with this lady?”

“I think she is very lucky for me”

Oh No!! I should have explained starting from the toilet to what my manager told after meeting the swami. Without that, it was bound antagonize my wife.

My wife went out like a rocket. “Leave your Telephone number with me. We have to cancel some other investment and then only we can invest in your plan. I will give you a call when we are ready” and practically pushed my lucky charm out.

“Thank you madam. I will keep calling you to remind you for this sir” told the lady and went away

“OK… but call me preferably early in the morning… like today…” I quipped in.

***

I was desperately searching for the list of over due and problem accounts brought home yesterday to prepare a report. I needed something to clear the tense air as well. Taking a big breath I announced aloud “The entire home including my table looks surprisingly clean. Who did the great job?”

My daughter replied from the next room “mama brought a new broom and we all tried it out in turns. It was great fun.”

This time it was a surprise. She was in Bangalore as her husband had recently retired. They went to Bangalore six months ago and were trying to settle down in Bangalore. “Do not tell me stories… come down with the family” that was her order. Naturally so. She had seen me from childhood. She knew all pranks I could play. I had no alternative but to obey. When I was small boy, she was like my second mother – my mother used to leave me in her custody whenever she could not take me along.

We dropped in at her place, she was very happy. Her husband was always a busy person. He was successful in building a group of retired people like him, and busy trying to fix the local issue of garbage piling. “Today, garbage is more important for me than you. I will try to get back as soon as possible” said the retired judge in a jovial mood, begged my pardon and went away.

My cousin had married off her daughter, first son was studying engineering at Mumbai and the second son was studying plus one. Her second son was at home when we visited. He was too old for my kids to play with and my kids anyway play on their own in any place. My cousin was talking to my wife in the kitchen and both were also busy cooking in tandem.

I was left with no company and so was my cousin’s son. I had seen him as a cute little seven year old boy long back, but now he is a grown up. While I had nothing to do, he was made to sit with me even though, may be, he had many things to do had we not visited.

I am used to this kind of situation almost on each vacation. I would be going to meet somebody, but since that person is stuck with some important work, end up talking to somebody else in his house. Most of the time, people around are good in keeping company and we are never short of issues – price rise, politics, corruption, Iraq and US – everyone is an expert in their own right. Some of them talk as if they could be advisors to Manmohan Singh or George Bush. Occasionally, I get into situations like this – sitting with someone without knowing likely issue of common interest.

We both tried to get used to one another. I asked about his hobbies, his friends, about his new school in Bangalore.. All questions got me prompt reply but the conversation ended then and there. There has to be an issue of common interest and I thought I found one.

“You think we could win first Twenty20 cup?”
“Please… no cricket, I hate cricket… I hate our cricketers… they do not win, do not allow others to play…” my new found nephew straightaway put an end to my sincere efforts to keep it going by uttering a few words which our Cricket Board will never digest.

I had one more thought. How about films? Amitabh Bachchan… But may be Amitabh is a bit old for him. May be Sharukh or Hrithik should be fine I thought. I was about to open the topic.

“Do you get to see Hindi films in Dubai?” The boy asked me. May be he was tired of sitting with me without a conversation. May be he pitied my situation. May be he was curious to know…

That was it. We had at least one common topic!

“Yes. We get mainly English and Hindi films there” I told

“So you can see a lot of Hindi movies”

“I do not watch Hindi movies.” I told him the fact.

“Why?” the boy found it perplexing

“For three reasons – I have no time, it’s quite expensive and I do not enjoy them” I replied.

“I can understand the first two… but don’t tell me you can not enjoy. Tell me you want to see only English movies, I can understand. All those Indians abroad want to show that they are modern” the boy got into a complaining mood.

I looked at myself and looked at him. I was wearing the white dhoti and a long shirt (jubba). I was wearing this as I intended to be so, at least when I was in India. He was in a bermuda and Nike T-shirt; had all sorts of chains around his neck and a tattoo in his arm. Going by the looks, he looked more like someone who had just landed from the US. More than all these, he was about fifteen and I was about thrice his age and without any inhibitions, he is taking the entire NRI fraternity to task!

“Look at me, look at yourself… Your dress… It is not us who want to be like westerners… You guys in India want to be so…” I wanted to shout at him but didn’t. I did not want to lose his company at any cost!

He caught me silent. “Tell me what I told is true… isn’t it? That is the truth and sach hamesha kadvaa lagtha hai, haina?” he delivered a standard Hindi film dialogue as well!

I felt amused. I remembered the debate competitions during my college days. The arguments we used to make so convincingly on any subject – both in favour and against! I thought I will have a debate on this issue with him. Anyway I do not have any other job you see!

“Given a chance, I would rather watch an English movie” I started off in style. “There is quality. They use the best of the technology, equipments and locations. The best of the actors will be hired. You feel that it’s happening right in front of your eyes. What is there in Hindi cinema? Same old stories… hero and heroine singing in park, in beach in Goa, in Srinagar, trouble in getting married, fights, and then finally, happy ending. Mostly all copied from Hollywood”

I followed the same old debating principle – praise your side first and then pull down the opposite side.

He did not expect this from me. For a second, he looked surprised but he recovered quickly.

“Uncle… I do not know which time you are referring to. Probably you are assuming that the things are same as you saw two decades back when you left India. You have not seen the recent movies. Things have changed long back. Do you know these days the movies made in Hindi are copied by others? Celebrated Hollywood actors are longing to act in Hindi movies? Do you know Hollywood directors are begging our Hindi actors like Amitabh, Aishvarya, and Shilpa Shetty to act in their movies?” He shot back.

‘Not bad’ I thought. He has mastered the debating style very well. Show as if your opponent is not up to date with facts. Show that you have facts and figures to prove your credentials. He has done exactly that!

“Hollywood people want to get into bollywood because they want to capture huge Indian market. They want to use a few Indians so that our film crazy people flock to the theatres” I told something I had read as my own authoritative research statement.

“Exactly… they want our people to see English movies… they want Hindi movie industry to suffer but, we Indians should not allow that to happen”

I appreciated his concern. I wanted him to feel that he has won. So I decided to take it easy, but did not want to give up completely.

“I agree on that point…but Hindi film industry has to improve further if it wants to take on Hollywood” I put up a soft comment.

“Uncle I would like to show you how things have improved. Tell my mom that you want to take me for the movie ‘Chak de India’ in the afternoon. She will say no first, but you insist. I hope she will agree and we can have a nice time.” In his eyes I could see him hoping that his plan succeeds!

I liked the way he was trying to put the trap around me and decided to yield to his simple “support bollywood” request!

***

My wife was after me to buy a flat for us in Bangalore. She wanted me to get details about the flat recently bought by Shankar. I was recollecting what all questions she had asked. Barring a few, I could not recollect, so I called my wife.
“Darling… I am going to Shankar’s office. What were all the details you needed?”
“You go there and call me from there. If I tell you now, I am sure you will forget them again” she told in her usual authority.
“I am just outside his office, tell me now” I showed my authority as well. Distance sometimes gives you awesome courage!
“Note down – one, the address of the promoter,
Two, the price he paid per square foot,
Three, whether the promoter arranges bank facility,
Four, how far is the school, vegetable market, fish market and
Five, whether temple, mosque and church are close by” listed my wife.

I was amused. It was exactly at the same juncture our discussion at home had ended abruptly. She had told almost same sentence and I wanted to know the necessity of having all the three places of worship very close – temple, mosque and church. If she had told temple only, I can understand. I know it is advantageous for me also. I need not drop and pick up from the temple every Thursdays and Saturdays (on scheduled visits and some more unscheduled visits as well) but she wants the other two also! She was talking like a seasoned politician facing the election in a purely secular state!

“Look, I am speaking to somebody. If he asks me why you want all the three to be close, I can’t tell him like you told me. I need a convincing answer for this. Otherwise, I am not asking him this question” I was firm.
“This is what Sheila told me, if we buy such a flat, it would be easier if you want to sell it any future day” told my wife.
Even before the builder has built the flat and even before you buy, the idea is to re sell it – this is called foresight, which will never strike to me, I thought.

***

Shankar was sitting in his cabin busy looking at something. As soon as I entered, he put up a big smile on his face. The kumkum on his forehead also looked still bigger with that smile or his faith in God is still growing?
“I believe in both God and telepathy. I wanted to come to you with all these. I was too pleased to know that God came to know of my problems and sent you here” he told, gently tapping the drawing on his table.
“What are these?”
“The documents of my newly booked flat in Bangalore”
I was surprised. Even before I am to ask him about this, he has taken it out and kept. Should I also believe in telepathy?

“I came here just to discuss this and I am surprised you have this already on the table” I exclaimed

“Even I wanted to discuss this. We are paying for 964 Sq ft and here is the design of the flat. It is two bedrooms, one hall, one kitchen, two bathrooms and two balconies. They have given measurements of the rooms here. All adds up to only 760 sq ft. My wife wants to know whether we have gone wrong in calculations. Can you check the totals?” He requested.
I checked the additions and confirmed it. “The balance 204 sq ft could be for common areas like corridors” I told.
“But the corridor here for the entire floor is only 200 sq ft. and there are four more flats in the same floor to share” Shankar disputed my suggestion.
“May be the car parking is included” I tried to console him.
“I am paying extra for the car parking” he started arguing.

Soon I realized that I am defending somebody not known to me, and more importantly without any benefit!
Before the argument heats up it is better to find an exit route I thought.
“Then you should have talked to them properly before agreeing to pay” I told him indirectly hinting that it’s beyond my understanding and I am not answerable to it.

“I did, but the builder was so sure of our purchase” Shankar continued, “He told me; your wife has liked the plan and approved the design. Let us build it that way. We are close to all amenities and places of worship. If for some reason you do not like it, you can consult your wife and sell it off. If you want, we will buy it back”

“How about asking Achar? He is a civil engineer” I suggested. Let him face the music- at least he has moral responsibility to defend fellow professionals!

Like Devendra and Brahma going together to Vishnu for consultations each time while in trouble, we started off to Achar’s place.

Achar was happy. He was waiting in his cabin in the restaurant he was running. On seeing us, he ordered for masala dosa and tea.
“Both of you together…?. Tell me what I can do for you?” he started the conversation, expecting a big party order.
“It is not for any orders, we just wanted to consult you on civil engineering” told Shankar.
“Civil engineering!” Exclaimed Achar. “I have put it into grinder for the masala dosa batter long back!”
“But still, you’re better than us” told Shankar and kept the design on his table.
“Now tell me the area of this flat which I am buying” He showed the design.
“They have clearly written it here – 964 sq ft” he showed the writing at the corner. After all, he is from the same engineer fraternity you see – they want us to believe what is shown in the design!
“Forget about that, add it from the design and tell me” Shankar persisted.
“Now what is your problem? Let me know in short” told Achar in a tone deviating from his “what can I do for you” stance.
Shankar narrated the story in full.
“That 760 sq ft is you added up is called plinth area. If you had asked the price in plinth area, he would have told a much higher price. Usually we engineers calculate the constructed area of the whole of the building and distribute it floor wise, further distribute it flat wise. Since you are part owner of the building, you have to pay accordingly” explained Achar.
“So what price I paid is correct” Shankar wanted a confirmation
“Whether it is correct or not, you have paid and that’s it. You will get a flat which is to the liking of your wife and you are fortunate. I spent almost the price of another flat to make my flat to the liking of my wife”
“My doubt is that this matter will come up again, if we want to sell the flat” Shankar expressed the root cause for his apprehension.
“Not at all. You are going to sell the flat with this same design and this same document. People only check whether their wives liked the flat. Nobody will check the measurements like you did. Even if they check, they will keep quiet once their wife says she has liked it. Worse come worst, may be they will bargain for the price”

“That is what”. Shankar told “then what I will do?”

“You decide. It’s your property and bargaining for the price is part and parcel of any deal” told Achar almost hinting us that he does not want anymore discussion.

Though we started off from there, Shankar was not convinced still. “I will not leave it here. I will go to the builder again”

“I’ll also come with you” I told
“Why?” he was surprised.
“I want to buy a flat in the same building” I told him “your wife has explained your deal in such a nice manner that my wife wants a flat there… at any cost”

For a minute, he looked at me and then said “I will advise you to negotiate in terms of plinth area. At least you will save a lot of time, headache and future arguments at home”

***

It was Friday. I was just out of bed. Normally I take about two minutes to drink the morning tea. Friday is an exception. I compensate for the hurry of weekly days by taking about thirty minutes. This is the time I do not mind junk TV programs. It is during this time last week; my TV host asked Amitabh Bachchan a silly question: “What you would have been doing if you had not taken up acting?”

“I would have been selling milk in roadside booth in Allahabad” replied Bachchan laughingly.

People say there are certain stages in life. I agree. Education I had, employment I got and I married, and as a corollary had kids. Settled in life, to put in common parlance.The next stage is as people say, paying back to the society.I looked back –  I had taken so much help from many a people but did not help anybody so far! I thought this is time to help somebody. After all what is life? Help somebody; see the gratitude in their eyes. My mind was prepared but not so prepared was my pocket. So I thought I should help people in such a way that it does not create a dent in my purse and does not give an opportunity to my wife to grill me.

So I started on to look out for opportunities- believe me, it is not easy. People around me thought that I am acting smart. They thought I have a new and different game plan. Some thought I am preparing a base for asking a big favor back later on. My friends they started predicting my motive- they started betting on my intentions! They discussed at length how exactly I am planning this exercise to get the ultimate benefit. All this because all my actions so far had a tinge of selfishness. Now it was not easy to come out of this image. So I had thought I would try to help somebody in my native town back home in India. With all the seriousness, I had included this in my agenda on my last year’s vacation.

I went to India with ready agenda. I tried to explore means of helping the society. In India also, like everywhere, I found, help means giving money and I had to tell repeatedly my intentions, i.e., not to help with money. People came to me with the blue prints of their programs, advertisement tariffs in souvenirs etc and etc. I was stunned by the discounts they offered- for quarter page the rate was Rs. 5,000, but for a full page it was Rs 12,000 only! Then there were talks of how they can put my name in the village school classroom etc. but everywhere they expected money or at least an assurance to send money.I put my foot down. The local MLA was furious about me. He wanted to build a school with 12 classrooms, each to be financed by someone and the school named after his father! He told in a meeting that people become self- centered once they leave the country. ” Look, I met a gentleman – he wants the school to be named after his father just because he is willing to bear the cost of one class room” was his comment in a village meeting without naming me!

Then came an opportunity. One of my old friends came to me and asked a favor. Without cost. All that I had to do was become a director in the local co-operative society! There was a group preparing to float a co-operative society. All that I need to do is to put in some deposits, and canvas for some more!!. Considering that they were giving interest of half a percent more than banks on deposits, this was not a bad idea.

Thirty days of leave went on like a dream. Hectic it was that I could not even attend the inauguration of the co-operative society. On the day of my departure, I went to the co-operative society, opened a deposit account. I had Rs 50,000 and as the vacation had almost ended, I deposited it there. The manager was very co-operative; he explained to me how the co-op is planning to serve the village by extending facilities to the poorest of the poor. “When you come next time sir, you see a lot of improvement here. We are committed to make things happen here and you can take my word” told the manager, handing over some account opening forms and he gave me a grand send off. After all I am one of the eight directors you see!

Life in Gulf is hectic. People are so busy, they forget everything. In a weeks time I had totally forgotten my spent vacation.

Months passed by. I became eligible for vacation again. My motherland and my urge to pay back the society were beckoning me. My wife was planning to visit her sister in US with the kids. I planned a trip to
India. Suddenly I remembered the forms the manager of the co operative had given me. I called a few friends of mine, collected a few demand drafts as deposits.

I was home. As usual, the news must have made quick rounds. People started to come to see me; one of them was my friend who made me a director in the co-op.

“How is the co-op doing now?” I asked.
“Did they send you a notice?” He replied
“What notice?” I asked in wonder.
“We will go out, I will explain” he wanted to hush up the matter in front of my people.
We started off to the riverbank
“There was a big fraud in the co-op” he started and explained the matter.
I could slowly gather the gravity of the foul play. We sat down on a rock.
“Three directors and the manager are involved. The police are investigating. We need to go to police station” he was guilty faced, because it was he who provided me this chance!We went to the police station.The inspector welcomed us. He offered tea! I was amused. We had a big discussion. He explained the case in detail. A total of Rs 28.50 lakhs were drawn as “loans to directors”.

“But I did not take loans; I was in Dubai, how I can take the loan from
Dubai?” I protested

The inspector stood up.

“I know that. You managed it in such a way. I have the arrest warrant. The court will decide the truth. It is the registrar who has filed the case. Go to him, agree for the installments and file a copy of the agreement here. Or else, go to the court and get an anticipatory bail. The choice is yours. I am coming to your home with hand cuffs in two days” the inspector started screaming at the top of his voice.My friend took him to a side and “properly “explained him.He came back to the seat as a different man. “No other way out sir, go to the registrars’ office and agree on installments. If the case is decided in your favor, you will get your money back” he told politely.

There was nothing left to decide.

Without any selfish motive, without known to even my wife, I am paying back to the society!!

My manager called me for a meeting early in the morning. Usually he does not call unless he gets some great idea (what he thinks great) and since his mind is always busy in routine matters, the great ideas rarely come to his mind. I felt something else is cooking up. Anyway first thing I thought I should do is to see that it is not something against me. I thought I should go immediately, before anybody else, so that I can have informal thoughts about the subject matter and dilute if it is something affecting me and think about what I should do if it is something else.I got up and went in straight- every other thing can wait.

I was the first to reach. The Manager was sitting with a newspaper cutting. I was reasonably sure about the subject matter now. It was some news, which came on a newspaper. I cursed my habit of not reading the news papers daily – now he will ask “have you read this news yesterday?”… and I would be one amongst the few who is forced to say “no”. What a shame!

We exchanged greetings and started talk in some general matters. I knew sooner or later the informal discussion would start. I tried to steal a look at the paper cutting. The distance was too much and with my present glasses it just looked a plain sheet.

“What are our average monthly expenses like”? Came the question and I knew the meeting is going to be something connected with expenses- reduction of expenses, cost reduction, increasing productivity something of this sort…but what the hell has the paper cutting to do with it? It is not something new for us to have discussed expenses in the past. In fact if we have nothing else to discuss, we discuss expenses- because we are the top management!

I realized there was a question unanswered from my boss and I was thinking a little too far when my manager added “need not be exact, tell me a round figure.. it is alright.”

“About ten millions sir” I replied. I rounded off to millions so that the range could be anything from 9.5million to 10.5 million!

“If there is a 34% reduction, what could our savings be in a year?” Came the next question. I had thought several times in the past that I should take a calculator whenever I go for meetings. While asking questions like this, people do not realize that it is a bit difficult to do mental calculations. Frankly speaking, he could have asked the impact of 30% reduction or say even 35%… anyway we are just estimating something aren’t we?

I did a quick calculation.. 30% is 3 million and 40 % is 4 million.. even if we assume ten months’ savings for the year it is 30million or 40million.. so the figure is something like 35 million. Still I was not sure of my calculation so I said “about 35million to 40 million Sir” “Assume it to be 35 million… How much it will improve our bottom line in terms of percentage?”

Now this is too much. In order to answer I need to know so many things. For discussions like this, the meetings should be fixed sufficiently in advance and by giving the requirements. The sales manager dropped in and saved me from immediate embarrassment. Taking the opportunity I dashed out and went straight to my assistant “
Ravi, what could be our improvement in bottom line if there is a 35 million to 40million reduction in expenses?”

“Our total expenses last year were 100.8 million sir. 35 or 40 million reduction…how possible sir?” I did not have time to explain, “just tell me the figure” I said.“About five to seven percent Sir” That is what I wanted. I am here not to explain the things to my assistants you see.

I went inside again. The chairs were occupied. Almost every senior man was there.
I just went near the Manager and told him “it will work wonders…. profits will jump from the current 12 percent to say 17 to 19 percent Sir”.

“OK” said the manager. The meeting began.
“Gentlemen, we have a serious thing to discuss” shot off the Manager. “I have a paper cutting from yesterday’s news paper about a company in the
US… very similar to us, “saneheads” he showed the cutting and as usual asked, “have you read this?”None replied.

The manager continued. “Well, I have made copies for you all. The crux of the matter is that the senior management of this company took some drastic measures whereby the expenses were reduced by 34% and the company was able to improve the bottom line by a whopping 4.5%”

“This is wonderful. We can also try “ pat came the comment from Sales manager. Smart he is. How many times I had thought I should also be quick and produce dialogues like this and be considered as man with positive thinking!

“That exactly is the agenda of this meeting. “ continued the Manager. “ Each one of you have to be true to your conscious and look into your respective departments and come out with suggestions as to where we can also cut expenses”
“But is there any clue where that company reduced expenses?” The purchase manager wanted to know.
“ The major areas are employee reduction, reduced perks for staff and identification of unproductive expenses “ explained the Manager.
Then started the discussion and it lasted about an hour and ten minutes! Everybody was instructed to keep the discussion confidential.

Such a lengthy meeting! Every body was convinced at once that they should do something.

I came back to my seat. First thing I did was to close all the files.
Ravi came and wanted to discuss something.
I told him “everything else can wait. I have something important to do”
I took a sheet of paper noted the names of all my staff – total six in number.

One- cashier
Two -receivables in charge
Three- payables in charge
Four -bank transactions in charge
Five -attender
Six -myself, Manager of the finance Dept.

I noted down the salaries in front of the names. The total salary per month of my department is 60,000. I need to reduce this by 34% that is (this time I have calculator in my front.. sighed in relief) –by 20,400

I started noting down the ‘what if’ situations removing one staff after other. I noted down who can handle that persons job. I made all permutations and combinations. I could have asked Ravi to make all these easily but we were asked to ‘keep the issue confidential’ you see and as I was doing a job which was without any last year calculation clues….I had to toil hard.

I made up my mind. The cashier is required.
Ravi who looks after bank work is intelligent and assists me in so many things. I can not imagine life without
Ravi here. Then comes attender- he does many a things for me like homework of my children, bringing groceries, paying my electricity and telephone bills etc. Moreover his salary is too negligible in the context of what we are looking for… a 34% reduction!

I was struck by a bright idea! How about clubbing receivables and payables functions and put one person in charge of this? Axe has to fall on the job of either the man in charge of receivables or the man in charge of payables.

Good idea. I calculated the salary savings. If we remove the receivables man it is 15%, if we remove the payables man it is 12.50%, not enough but still a big one. We had a meeting to discuss the proposals the next day. I had to finalize.

I got the employee file of the receivables person. He was my Manager’s man….Spoiled – the whole plan is spoiled. I went and brought the payables man. It is our Sales manager’s relative. I remembered, with great difficulty he had pushed this man in. In the ultimate race for this post, he had beaten a person from my native place and I could do nothing!Yes he has to go.. but with this, reduction is going to be 12.50% only. I did not have any other idea. How about consulting
Ravi?

I knew he would have some idea. He uses brain when pushed around. I called him in. I wanted to put him on tanter hooks.- so I asked him to close and lock the door. I told him it is top secret. I told we had a serious discussion on employee reduction and his name is also being discussed to be included in excess list. I pretended as if I am his savior. First he was upset. He started giving all sorts of explanation for taking so much of time in banks. “Non availability of parking space” he declared “is the main reason. Please try to convince the management” he begged. I acted swiftly. I told him that so long as I am here, he is safe.

I asked him what we could try and do in this regard. I also told him my idea of clubbing receivables and payables section. “That is the maximum we can do” he told.
“Better Sir.. if you could convince management that we are only six in the dept and it is easier if they concentrate on departments with more than 10 people” I noted this down for the meeting the next day.

He continued, “May be the US Company in fact had excess staff”. I did not note this down because this had already come up in the discussions.
“Try to retain the other staff Sir, otherwise it will be difficult”, he begged. I told him we have to show compliance like the other departments do.

“Further reduction is only possible if they re organize the work so that part of our work will go to accounts dept and also some to administration dept” he explained. “Worst case we can do away with the attender” he told. I noted this down too.

“Thank you Sir,.. for not considering me for removal”
Ravi was full of gratitude. “34% reduction is impossible in our dept unless they think of sending you off sir” remarked
Ravi presumably in a lighter vein. “That is a good joke” I patted him on his back.
“Keep the secret” I said and sent
Ravi back.

All that night I had only this in mind – are they planning to send me out? “Don’t worry ..They will not. It is very difficult to measure efficiency, you see” my wife quipped in.We were all ready for the meeting again the next day.
“I hope everybody has done their homework” started off the Manager
We all saw each other’s face and smiled.

Each dept head was giving details how many people he can get away with and what percentage savings it results in. I was happy that I was one with one of the top savings plans, but all in all it was coming to only 4.5% savings in total. Where is 34% and where is 4.5%? All department heads started to tell how their dept work will suffer if anything more is done.

“I am not happy” said the manager. “There should be at least 10% savings so that we can do something. Re do your homework and let me know. I will do my own calculations as well” he declared. “ We will meet again tomorrow”

This meeting had lasted only fifteen minutes.That night I took two pills for blood pressure. “Remove your attender . Instead of sitting in your cabin, you can move the files here and there. This way you will know which paper is on which table” suggested my wife. “Moreover remember the doctor told you to reduce. This will help you in weight reduction as well” she added.

Even I had sacrifice of attender in mind as the last resort. I called some of other department heads- nobody had any clue as to what the Manager was thinking about. I was thinking for a long time and I did not know when I got sleep.Everybody was tense in the meeting the next day. Exchange of greetings looked all the more a formality. We sat down for a discussion.
“What do you have …my friends, come on.. let me know” said the Manager. Nobody spoke.
“You, Mr John” he pointed towards the Purchase manager.
“As per our assessment no further cut is possible Sir… but we are ready for any decisions you take sir”. hurried the Purchase manager. This was exactly what I had thought I would say. Now I had to change my wordings.
The question was asked to everybody and almost the same was the reply.
It came to me.
“Worst case I may sacrifice my attender Sir… but that won’t give us any significant benefit. It is up to you Sir“ I put in mildest voice.
Last was the Sales manager. “What about you Mr. Menon?”… asked the smiling Manager.
“I have no additional plans Sir. The whole department is a well-knit unit and nobody other than me is excess in the dept. You want me to go, I will sir” he said in a tone which was half jovial and half-protesting.

The Manager laughed loudly and we all joined. Laughter made matters scale down a bit and tension levels also came down immediately.

Slowly the Manager looked at everybody, took time and took another paper cutting from his pocket “this company increased employee to sales productivity by 25% we will discuss this type of improvement in over the next week” he declared. “We will conclude this meeting now ” said the Manager and we started off for our respective departments.
“How is your Son’s studies Sir?” asked the attender on my way to my department. 

Ramphal Singh is one of my old friends. He is an interior decorator by profession and firmly believed that everything could be covered up by some good workmanship- including the financial statements. He was the one who suggested that the outer cover of the financials we give does not match with the white paper inside.He called me. “Our bankers are scheduled to meet me, give me some hints to explain my financial position. I am having some good jobs on hand this year and I need bank facilities to complete them” he said.

I had suggested him a few years back to have a proper accountant. “Keep every thing in order. That will facilitate my work” I had told him. He had agreed.

We Indians are cricket fans. We might not know our bank balance as of date, but we know exactly how much runs Sachin has scored as of now. We know almost everything from ‘leg before’ to ‘super sub’ and majority of us know reasonably well that when we say ‘power play’ has ended it does not refer to the Dalmiya period, but to the fielding restrictions.

Such is our craze for cricket that we have ignored other games. Like for example, I felt all of a sudden uncomfortable when I looked at the tickets. The tickets were for a football match. I would have jumped in joy had it been for a game of cricket. Nevertheless, it is two tickets of Dhs.1000 each!

I had decided to go and watch the match come what may, for two reasons- one it is not fair to waste the tickets even though I had not paid for it and second and more important, nobody knows that I had not paid for these tickets anyway. I could sit posing for a full one and half hours like a stinking rich gentleman who can afford to buy tickets like this!

I could however foresee one problem. I had only two tickets. Who should I take along? At once two people got into reckoning. One is my friend who is from
Goa and the other… you guessed it right! …my wife!

I knew my friend from
Goa would love to join me for this match. He was a club level player while he was in Goa and he was promptly dispatched to
Dubai when his parents could no longer control his passion for football and alcohol. He would have been an ideal person to explain me what happened in the field (In the foot ball field I can not make out anything other than the ball getting into the goal) but the problem with him was his style of enjoying the match with a bottle! He was famous for picking up battles with referee too! I felt it is too risky to take him – it is my prestige at stake. Tell me- even though it’s an international match, how can I vouch for the fairness of a referee whom I do not know?

I decided to take my wife along. After all the decision to take her along was already taken long back that too for once and for all you see! It is her right to be with me in all such important occasions and this is nothing less than a lifetime opportunity! Sitting at the VIP gallery and watching the match with the elite citizens, likely to be seen on TV all around the world! Even though her knowledge of the game is no better than mine, I was sure she would be delighted to pose to the TV camera sitting on a VIP lounge!

I could no longer bear the thrill of this suspense can create at home. I parked the car and called home. “Darling, I have a surprise for you… a life time opportunity” As usual, she did not believe. She had written me off- to the extent- with NIL salvage value. How would she believe at once on a lifetime offer?

The only difference I noticed as I reached home was that the door was open. I waited for five full minutes- there was no curiosity in her face at all! I could not bear it any more. “We are going to watch a football match!” I announced. Still there is no curiosity in her!

I explained her whole thing. “Dhs. 1000 tickets!.. We will be sitting on the VIP lounge!! It’s an international match!!!” – still there was no response. “Sports channel is covering it live- we could be seen on TV in 170 odd countries all over the world “  I was announcing one after the other like an Indian lottery ticket salesman but there is no response!

She came with a cup of tea. I saw straight into her face and waving the two tickets in my hand, I told at the lowest of the voice. “OK… if you are not interested, I will call Shashidhar, my Goan friend. I do not want this Dhs.1000 ticket to go waste”

She gave me the tea and took the tickets. For a few seconds, there was no apparent expression on her face.

I finished the cup of tea and gave back the empty cup to her- still no word from her! I thought there is no further need to wait and told her “OK so you are not coming  …let me call Shashidhar”

Then came a slow voice” which saree I will wear?”

I was pleased… ultimately she is willing to come!

 “Anything should be fine …Dress up fast. We need to be there by 7 PM.  It is already 4 PM” I hurried her up.

“Is it a day and night match?  Then that pink saree won’t look good. On TV camera it looks dull. The blue saree with the black border looks gorgeous at night. What do you say?”

This was the problem I had anticipated.

I told her that the TV crew would be busy telecasting the match. “May be they will flash the camera once in a while on the public. Anything will do. Dress up neatly and we should start in half an hour’s time…  consider the traffic” I told her showing the urgency.

“You are always like this. Never give me chance to dress up or make up and look good”. Murmured my wife and went inside.

Even I had a small problem – what to wear? We would be sitting in VIP lounge and

TV camera is going to be there. Any trousers will do but a branded T shirt is a must

I thought.

I was dressed up and waiting but no news from my wife! Thirty minutes is less by any standards I thought. After fifteen minutes my wife came out “Jyoti says saree won’t look nice. It does not look international. How about trousers and T shirt?” She asked.

“The match is for one and half hours. By the time you consult all your friends and get ready, it will get over” I told her raising my voice purposefully.

This had the desired effect. She was out with a trousers and T shirt in ten minutes flat.

We started off.

While I was driving, she was busy calling her friends…

The fact that we are going to witness a match was made into news within fifteen minutes!

“We will sit closer to the camera“ commented my wife. “Sheela was telling that if it was from a distance, the flower design on my T shirt might not be seen on TV”

I agreed on her suggestion on one condition- she should not call any more friends!

“Only one more …” she requested. This time the call was to Rashmi- with instructions to video record the live telecast.

“We are physically going there to see the match live. Why you want to see the recording again?” I asked in wonder.

“Use your brains… I want to see how we looked there in VIP lounge” pat came the reply!

We reached the stadium just on time. On seeing the tickets, we were allowed straight into the restricted parking. Just two minutes to park and get in! If somebody else were paying, I would not mind allocating Dhs 500 for this parking alone! Its years since I parked this way in
Dubai!

We sat on the seats shown to us. The TV crew was making rounds. My wife was visibly happy! Inaugural formalities were about to start. The stadium was full. The noise levels were quite high. We had to shout  for others to hear what we wanted to say.

My wife came very close to my ear and asked, “Who won the toss?”

“It’s immaterial. Toss is just for kick off “ I guided her.

Up went the whistle and here it goes!

Both of us were watching the ball. For a moment it appeared as if the players were testing the ball and the ground. All were trying to have the control of the ball. Nobody is interested in scoring a goal I thought.

After following the ball on the field for ten minutes, my wife lost interest.

“Why they are not trying to score goals?” She was impatient.

“Wait. They will score” I pacified her.

“Medha was telling me they would focus the TV camera on the spectators soon after the goal is scored” murmured my wife with disgust.   Now I knew why my wife wanted someone to score a goal.

Five more minutes passed. The ball never entered the striking area even.

“I would have rather stayed at home” grumbled my wife.

I pretended as if I was concentrating on the game.

Suddenly there was collusion between two players; while one player went down tumbling the other was holding his arm in pain. There was a sudden silence all around.

“Show him red!” shouted somebody from behind. I could see an elderly person rushing near the borderline. Putting both hands around his mouth, he was shouting at top of his voice..

My wife was shocked to see nobody rushing near the fallen player.” let somebody help him” she shouted.

“Don’t worry ma’am… he is acting as if he is in pain…just to get a penalty shootout” commented somebody sitting in front.

“That was a mistake, he should be given at least a yellow card” shouted another pointing at the player.

By that time the referee came running and showed a yellow card to the player holding his arm in pain.

As if nothing had happened, the player on the ground got up … I was surprised!

“I told you ma’am… see his is fine” the person in front was beaming that his judgment was right.

I do not know how much my wife understood this. But I understood their tactics. They show that they are hurt to impress the referee. I explained the same to my wife.

“Two yellows mean one red and red means no further part in the game.” Added a gentleman sitting next to me.

Then suddenly there was a whistle and the play stopped. TV cameras were beamed on us. My wife instantaneously started posing. She looked at one of the cameraman.

And jumped in joy “can you recognize him? She asked me. “He is the one who video graphed our marriage!”

I did not remember him and therefore, did not show any interest.

“Now go and tell him that we are here, he will show us more on TV” she explained and started waving at him. Probably he recognized us – he started focusing us several times!

The match started again.

I could not understand why that gentleman was coming to the borderline and shouting at the players every now and then. I asked the person sitting next to me. He laughed at my question and replied… “He is the coach. If these boys do not win, his job is at stake. He will be kicked around after the match. That is why he is trying his best.”

Then there was a big roar. One of the players came till the boarder line, showed his belly and danced! Belly dance… At last, I saw it in
Dubai!  Crowd burst in joy. My wife was looking at me and I was looking at her. 

Suddenly there was an announcement on the mike

“It’s a goal”

“I didn’t see” I told my wife.

“Even I didn’t. Don’t worry; we will see it on video at home” whispered my wife.

There was collusion once more.

“It is yellow card” I told

“No red “told my wife.

The referee took yellow card. I was happy on two counts – my guess was right and my wife’s wasn’t!

A minute later there was another collusion. This time it was a big one. Both the players were down on the ground.

“May be yellow” told my wife even before I could guess.

“This is bigger. I think it is red” I put my opinion forward.

 The referee came and nothing happened. He signaled free kick and the play continued!

“It’s a strange game” told my wife. “May be since both fell on the ground punishment is waived”

Then there was blow of the whistle.

The referee was holding the ball. Players of one team stood like soldiers (with their hands covering their private parts as if they did not wear any underwear!) in front of the goal. The public was roaring. The ball was kept on the floor. There was a sudden burst of action and one player kicked the ball. God alone knows what happened.

Probably the ball went inside the goal and in that case, it is another goal, I thought.

Then came the announcement – Yes, it is goal again!

After this, every player was kicking the ball in all directions. Then there was yet another collusion. I did not venture to predict the color of the card. My wife told it is yellow. But the referee took the red card. All the players rounded up the referee shouting at him and pushing him. I was reminded of Shashidhar. Thank god I did not bring him along!

Then there was a long whistle.

The play stopped and one team started running around the stadium. People started leaving the place. The TV cameraman focused on us again and I thought that this was the last time before players went to prize distribution area.

We walked up to the car. There was a spate of mobile calls for my wife.

All that I could get to hear was that my wife was telling everybody “it was very nice… we thoroughly enjoyed it”

On our way back we did go to my wife’s friend Rashmi’s home and picked up the video cassette. We have watched it more than 10 -12 times so far. Stop playing it anywhere and I could easily tell “what happens next” in that match!

My wife is a good cook.  If you want to taste lovely Indian food, give her a call and tell her that you wanted to see that football match. You are bound to get a formal invitation within next few days for a dinner. All that you should remember is that a red flower on a yellow T-shirt looks good at night!

***

“Did Suma’s husband call you?” Asked my wife.

“No. what’s the matter?” I was sure there is something.

“May be he will call you tomorrow.” She said and kept quiet.

That is called the Bollywood style of creating suspense. My wife knows for sure he is going to call me, knows the subject matter, and still keeps it a suspense!

“Tell me what is the matter?” I was determined not to give up so easily.

“My friend Sunitha called me. I was about to call you… then I remembered you had told me that you are busy the whole day” my wife was jiggling with joy.

“Which Sunitha?” I enquired as usual.

“You do not know her. We were great friends in college. Then she took up fashion designing. She is a professional fashion designer now. She was stitching all my clothes before my marriage” my wife was proud in telling this. I did not get why she has to be so proud!

“She is your friend and also your tailor…OK… what does she want now?”

“Tailor?” My wife’s face turned red. “She is one of the top dress designers of Chennai. Do you know that Jayalalithaa and Khushboo are her customers ?”

“What?  Jayalalitha? I have never seen her in any dress other than a 15 metre sari. Moreover, she is up with that bullet proof jacket, I have not seen the color of her blouse as well” I exclaimed.

“So what? Sunitha buys saris for Jayalalitha. She designs for Simaran, Jothika, Ramya, Navya… the list is endless…” my wife went on.

“OK, OK, I accept she is a big dress designer… and she called you… now tell me what she said!”

“She is having a fashion show here in
Dubai and she has invited me to be present at this special occasion”

 “Will she send tickets or should we buy them?” I asked. That mattered me most. It had taken me three hours in office to prepare my expense budget for this month and somebody tries to shatter it just because of a phone call!

“Of course she will send complimentary passes. Definitely two. If you want more for your friends, tell me sufficiently early so that I can try” My wife was beaming in confidence.

“No… No… two is enough. May be one also is enough. I can drop you there and go to the dentist. Yesterday also that tooth ache recurred” I said.

“No way!! I have told her that we will be with her till the show is over. She should not feel that we did not support her in a place like
Dubai where she is knows no one”

“Come on darling… she has a show organized here, she must be know someone to do that” I tried to find ways to avoid the show.

“No way… she is not of that sort… I have told her we will be there, and that’s it.” My wife indicated that the discussion is closed.

***

The show was the talk of the town. Somehow my colleagues came to know that I am close to the organizers and approached me for passes. When requests for passes reached a dozen, I put it to my wife.

“No way… what do you think? The show is already sold out. If they want to buy tickets, I can go out of the way and help them” was the reply! 

The day of the show arrived. Believe me, the breakfast, lunch and dinner- everything was ready on the dining table by 8 AM in the morning!

“Send the children to school. I need to go to the beautician” She told and went off like a rocket at 8 .05 AM! I prepared the children for the school. As I was about to drop them at the school bus stand I told them “May be I will be late to pick you up… you better come by school bus”

“Don’t worry. Mama has told us to come by bus and get down at Rahul’s place” told my son. So everything is planned- I told myself.

***

I was late to office.

“The fashion show preparations are too hectic?  I heard three bollywood actresses are participating” commented a colleague.

“I do not have any idea” I told him.

“Come on, don’t act too ignorant. That designer lady took your wife’s name and thanked her at the press conference”

This was news to me!

“May be… I was not aware. They were best friends in college” I tried to evade further questions.

One thing that helped me in this hype was that I could get out of office with ease at 4pm.

All I need to tell my manager was two words – “Fashion show”

“I have a ticket… I will see you there” smiled my manager.

The show was to start at 6pm. My wife wanted to be there by 5pm itself. I reached home by 4:30 pm. I saw my wife still busy stitching some thing.

 “What happened?” I asked.

She showed me a heap of dress. All those were the ones designed by her designer friend but none fits her now.  “I wanted to wear something designed by her” she retorted.

“But these were stitched ten years ago or more…Naturally won’t fit now… why you want those old ones? Wear something new…”  I told with all the seriousness.. Gone are those days when I would never miss an opportunity to tease her for each additional kilogram she had put on. 

“She may feel bad if I do not wear a dress designed by her… that’s why I am altering this to make it a little loose here” she showed the dress.

By the best efforts, she could make it loose by two inches, and that will no way solve the problem I thought, but did not venture to make that comment.

“It’s already 5:30pm and you want to be there by 6pm” I reminded her.

“Change your dress, I will be there in a minute” she told and went in.

The suit I wore on my marriage was waiting there. I hardly wore this after that; may be a dozen times. It was as good as new but I had grown up everywhere! The trouser simply refused to take my tummy inside.

“This is not fitting” I told at the top of my voice.

“Bring it here, I will open it and increase the waist” told my wife

I took the trouser to her.

She was swift in deed. “Iron this area and get ready I will be ready in flat sixty seconds”

I switched on the iron box. Anyway it will take a few minutes to get hot – How about trying the trouser out now, I thought.

Oops… still it wasn’t big enough to allow me to put the hooks, but it is so close that I could get the idea that it needs to be increased further by about three inches.

“This waist size is also not sufficient” I told.

“There is no further room… try a big breath out and pull your stomach in” came the reply.

I tried the same… I got the hook in place but could not breathe any further!

As I was desperately trying to unhook, the hook came off! And, this is not the time I will ask her to stitch the hook and invite trouble…!

“It doesn’t fit.… I will put on the new dress your dad gave me last winter “I told

My trick worked. Any other dress she would not have agreed; how she can say no to the gift from her dad?

“That’s OK, put on that jacket my brother gave” she suggested.

“That is too heavy” I complained.

“You don’t understand… everybody looks fashionable there. Only you there will be dressed like a joker” pat came the reply.

I kept quiet.

“One more thing” she remembered something suddenly. “If somebody asks you questions like ‘what does fashion mean to you?’ do not give some dumb answers in front of the camera; remember three I’s: idea, imagination and individuality” or three C’s – clothes, colors and creativity”

We reached the hall, which was almost full. My wife’s friend was right at the centre there. “Oh… you still have this dress?” She recognized my wife’s dress straightaway! There went a big smile and we went to the guided seats. It seemed like first three rows were for the VVIP and we were counted in that category!

I had heard about such shows. I had seen some of them on TV as well; but this one was live!  Thirty six, twenty four, thirty six – all were looking multiples of twelve to me!

“Do not stare at the girls throughout from one end to the other end of the ramp. Just look at them once and that’s it” whispered my wife in my ears.

I was disappointed but did not show it.

The show began. Models started to come on the ramp; it was royal catwalk to lovely music. As soon as each girl finished her walk there were claps all around. My wife would bend sideways on to me and tell me “that design was very nice”

After the turn of three or four girls, my wife suddenly stopped bending on to me. There was no comment on the design. She was not clapping as well! It surprised me. Still I kept quiet- may be she did not like the designs or she did not like the way I looked at the girls? She was tense.  She sat like a stone without movements… no smiles, no action. I was shocked she insisted that we should attend the show and she is tense when I look at those girls!

“What is the problem?” I bent over her and asked her.

“Come closer…” she said. She will put stricter restrictions on my bird watching I thought. I leaned a little more.

“My top is torn” she told almost in a frightened voice.

“Where? when?” I started to look for it right then.

“Now… do not make it obvious for everybody” came the firm request.

 “What to do now?” she asked me.

“We will go home” I suggested.

“I can’t even get up. It is torn all the way along the old stitch” she said in a feeble voice

“I will go home and get something else” that was the best I could think of.

“ Not much time available..Think of something else” She pleaded.

“Take this jacket…cover it up” I do not know from where I got this suggestion.

My wife sighed in relief. “That’s great”

I started to remove my jacket.

“Slowly… nobody should come to know. Take it off casually, hand it over to me majestically, I will wear it slowly so that nobody gets any hint” told my wife. I took five minutes take the jacket off and my wife took another five minutes to put it on.

“God alone saved me from such a big embarrassment” exclaimed my wife.

The show ended. Believe me; we did not see what happened in the show apart from the first few models. On our way out, I met my manager. “It was nice, but paying that money, I was expecting to see a wardrobe malfunction” my manager said laughing.

“In fact there was one, but the lady was quick to cover it up. So it went unnoticed” I told him, winking at my wife.

“Really? You noticed?” He seemed unfortunate that he missed out and jealous that only I had noticed!

“Even I didn’t see… she told me” I said looking at my wife while she was controlling her laughter.

***